Wanting Freedom So Bad

I grew up in New England, where there is a strong work ethic, high standards, high sense of morals and effort and right conduct.

Recently I find that I don’t want to do anything that I don’t want to do. On the contrary, I want to do just as I like. No restrictions. Right now I feel much more like someone born on the beaches of California rather than in staid New England.

At first when I started feeling rebellious, I thought I was going through a delayed adolescent stage.

But now I wonder if God is finally getting through to me. After so many years of Godwriting, maybe, just maybe, some of what God says is really clicking in.

Still, I have to hesitate in posting this blog. I mean I could be going to the dogs, and I don’t want to steer anyone wrong.

Here are some of my recent symptoms:

I don’t want to take another vitamin.

I want to put lots of honey in my tea.

I want to eat what I feel like eating whenever I feel like it.

Suddenly I don’t want to do anything that is supposed to be good for me.

I don’t want to try to be perfect anymore. I want to be imperfect. I want to be lazy. I want to Godwrite all day long. I don’t want to see another bill. I don’t want to even think about money.

And I don’t want to resist one more thing. I want to be laid-back, easy-going, unruffled.

Have I turned into a hippie? Am I changing from Type A personality to Type B?

Although I am unsure of all my new irresponsible laissez-fair thinking — how long will it last? — how long can I last? –there is also definitely something else going on that I am sure is from God. Maybe there is a correlation. Maybe, just maybe, for this new great breakthrough to arise, I had to unbend the strict rules that I grew up with and held onto for so many years.

Here’s the unquestionably good thing I am noticing now:

I talk more nicely to myself. Maybe that doesn’t sound like much, but, to me, it’s HUGE.

I am embarrassed to say that, in the past, I have spoken to myself unkindly.

I often overheard myself speaking to myself without respect, saying things like: “Gloria, you idiot, you numbskull, you dodo…”

In contrast, the other morning when I woke up early, I heard myself saying to myself:

“It’s okay, honey. You can go back to sleep.”

I called myself Honey! How marvelous is that!

Posted by Gloria on July 18th, 2007 under these topics
Purely Personal, Heaven Letters, Godwriting Journal
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23 Replies

Reply from Andrea on July 18, 2007

It sounds like you are indeed starting to apply the God writing on a very personal level. I have felt very similarly. The environment of freedom is entirely necessary as a starting point for you to allow yourself to see what is true for you. Don’t worry - the “laissez-fair” attitude will melt away into what truly works for you and what does not as you allow your inner voice / higher self to come through and let you know what works and what doesn’t. But it definitely sounds like you are in the process of creating the safe space that you need in which to blossom further. Great to be speaking much more nicely to yourself too. That’s where my self-love began to surface. It was very noticeable to me too. :-)

Reply from Margaret Weiner on July 18, 2007

“I want to Godwrite all day long.”

Suppose you did just take a whole day of God-writing?! A whole week?

I am sure you and God would have a Divine Time–and so many blessings would come for you, for the world, for all the rest of us, from that time. To us readers it might even seem like you have been working for us, even it everything God said to you were completely personal and never officially shared, because anything that blesses you, dear Gloria, blesses the rest of us.

I confess to feelings much like yours and I have planned to take a whole month–August–”off.” Doing nothing that feels like work, just time to do whatever I feel like doing. Taking walks, riding my bicycle, sewing, playing the piano, Godlistening, being outside as much as possible–these are some of the things I am thinking I might be doing in August, things I have felt I would like to spend whole days doing but haven’t made time for doing them.

Perhaps other Heavenreaders have had similar impulses?

Reply from Nancy List on July 18, 2007

Sounds good to me! I am not quite there yet! I am still doing things that I think are good for me, but I certainly appreciate your feelings. And I agree with Margaret what is good for you is good for us and the whole universe! Love, Nancy

Reply from Trish on July 18, 2007

:)

Love it. As a life coach I really am naughty. Life coaches are supposed to help you set goals and take the steps to achieve them (I think) but I always advise people to do nothing at all until the spirit moves them to do it.

And here you are! Perfect!

http://scottfree2b.wordpress.com/2007/01/08/yes-i-am/

Reply from Ekene on July 19, 2007

Dearest Gloria,

I just felt this is happening to some people here. For me I have been trying to see how best I can just do and Be. That is, being free from every entanglement, doing whatever I do without fear and desperation.

Dearest One, thank you for telling us what your heart is, like in the Heaveletters: everything is in the ocean of love and the light of love will always guide and direct your path.

I have something that I trust is working for me now, It is a solution I call “Paper and Pen”, Dearest I have just started this solution just two weeks ago and it has been absolutely wonderful. (nobody taught me this)

What I mean is, I just have a moment when I write everything that seems to come to mind, whether is happiness, something bordering me, what I don’t understand, where I have low self esteem, what I think I don’t have control over, what I have heard, read and said that is possible but I’ve not experienced myself.

I do this without correcting the sentence or word, I don’t care about gramma, I just write.

Understand that what I write is not judging myself, Its just stating to myself what I feel at the moment and what I think I am.

Maybe I might send you sample of what I wrote, but I don’t read what I have written in that book, I just write it and let it go.

I always end it with something I believe is my true self, like I am confident and I know that is my nature.

Ok so much from me.

Thank you very much for your heart.

With gratitude and blessing.

Ekene

Reply from Jo on July 19, 2007

Talking nicely to yourself is very HUGE indeed as is not wanting to be perfect any more and both are worth celebrating! I personally believe that you have always been a hippie inside. I thought Godwriting was your job so if you Godwrote all day long, isn’t that working all day? See? There is absolutely nothing to be concerned about. Just flow and enjoy!
You are adorable.

Reply from Berit on July 19, 2007

Gloria Angel, what keeps coming up most in my heart about this posting is indeed the gentleness and love towards yourself, I love this! God’s love has really reached you !
All replies here a magnificient and I totally agree with Jo: “Just flow and enjoy! You are adorable”
That’s what you are dear Gloria !!

Dear Ekene, I love your reply and your way of writing!! Hugs to you.

Love
Berit

Reply from Carol Maurer on July 21, 2007

I just came back from my husband’s wonderful Going Home Celebration and the reception afterwards and am catching up with the postings now, before I take a nap.
I, too, am learning to “give myself a break” and do what brings me joy. My dutiful reading of A Course In Miracles has been supplanted by just God Writing — don’t feel I need anything else. I also don’t even think of my vitamins or my exercise regimen these days, although my little granddaughter said to me yesterday, after eyeballing me from top to bottom and back again in a very deliberate way, “Grandma, I recommend Yoga.”
Of course, having my husband leave the physical is a great excuse to allow myself to be lazy, but it’s more than that. It has a lot to do with knowing “I am not a body, I am free, for I am still as God created me.” And that means I’m wonderful, perfect in every way, right? If God sees me that way, the way that he created me, then if I disagree I am disagreeing with God.
Gloria, I am so glad you’re not getting stressed over all that seems to demand your attention before you embark on your journey to your new life. Just tell Lauren what to do with it, or not do with it, after all, we all have to deal with our parent’s effects after they leave the planet, and you aren’t even leaving the planet, just going to Argentina with a very light load.

Much love,
Carol

Reply from Gloria on July 21, 2007

All the responses above are so wonderful and heartwarming and supportive. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: One could become enlightened just reading the comments Heavenreaders post.

Well, Carol, a few short weeks ago, you and Larry visited here. And now I’m getting ready (supposed to be getting ready!) for Sandra to come visit. And Larry has moved on, and you are doing so well. I love what your granddaughter said! It so happens Santhan teaches yoga!

You are amazing, Carol. Larry’s passing has sure brought out your strength. Thank God for Godwriting. God direct.
God as He speaks to you. Thank God for God.

What you said can’t be said enough. “We are not our bodies.”

I’ve got to have some yard sales. Goodness knows I have much too much stuff even if I weren’t going to move!

Lauren and Keith are still up in the air about where they’re going to be. They could go somewhere before I do. My two nephews have many of the things that were so precious to my mother. The portraits etc. are in good homes.

It’s pretty much my own stuff that I have to make decisions about. I do think of a couple of blog entries: like one of photos of items that I think Santhan might want for the spiritual center — another blog of photos of other things — and some before and after pictures — like clutter vs. Zen!

God bless us all.

With love, Gloria

Reply from Pam (fortheloveofGodde) on July 22, 2007

Dear Gloria, and don’t forget that all the wonderful housewarming gifts that will be sent on to you in Argentina by all those you have helped so tremendously (like me) … I have a vase just WAITING for you … but I’m certainly not going to send it now! LOL It will be in storage until you are “centered” in Argentina … heck, I might just bring it down myself and call it a hostess gift!

It’s a wonderful thing you’re doing, finding your JOY, doing exactly what you want to do and all. It’s exactly what you need to do for YOU.

And the Godwriting, well, what can I say, the Godwriting has been BEYOND exceptional, phenomenal, whatever other superlative I can put on it. Just know that if all you EVER did was Godwrite all day long, you alone would raise the vibrational level of the entire planet.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

Reply from Jack van Raders on July 22, 2007

Why Not call yourself Honey You sweet Gloria Love Jack

Reply from leen joseph on July 27, 2007

Dear Gloria, and all who read this.
allow me to add my experience and insights plz.
in our soul’s development, i have encountered many such phenomena … if i may be so blunt as to call it that.
also in my own life.
it is like a swinging of the pendulum.
at one stage one is so caught up in life and in the results of an upbringing, society and what have you (from the past) that one does forget to live in the NOW.
at a certain stage there is a re-awakening kind of feeling (this is how i experience it every time i encounter my swinging motion)and it swings back into a rebellion type of behaviour, in thought as well as in physical cravings. the soul re-finding and re-adjusting to the higher tunes/vibrations of the Universe (God).
then all in life starts to sort of accelerate, things start happening faster and indeed you would desire to do nothing else than to be in that ‘now’ moment with God and your inner voice, or guidance.
in my experience in this life, it has always been an omen, a sign from the Heavens to regroup myself (thoughts as well as physical need) in a non-verbal, nor demanding way, just very gentle and when looking at it in hind sight, i can understand, not while it is taking place, then i am usually puzzled and go with what flows then …
when the pendulum finds its middle ground, it will work wonders … another layer of the onion has been peeled, another set of petals of the lotus of your life has been opened and you are ready to encounter and learn the lessons for the next one.
all is done with the finest and highest possible vibration, that is unconditional love from God, guided with the angels and guides, that help us.
you may want to word this differerntly, that is fine, but know that he enegry from this writing is more tahn words cvan say (the human restriction, i tend to call it, yet so interestingly potent)
ever so happy to see you all glow and find light in your souls/hearts, through the God writings. Gloria, you truly set souls on fire, in the light of their own inner awarenesses.
love you all,
leen, from Belgium.

Reply from Shirley on July 28, 2007

Wow, my first look at the blog and it’s very inspiring. Moving to Argentina? I hope that doesn’t mean the end of Godwriting since I have just been introduced.
Blessings,
Shirley

Reply from Gloria on July 29, 2007

Beloved Shirley, there is no stopping these beautiful letters from God from coming nor from being sent out to the great people who read them!

Incidentally, for sometime now, the daily Heavenletters have been sent out from Argentina! Here I am in Iowa, and Heavenletters go out from Argentina to people all over the world.

Where do you live, dear Shirley?

So glad you are here,

Love and blessings,

Gloria

P.S. My mother had some favorite names. Shirley was one of them!

Reply from Gloria on July 29, 2007

Leen, I LOVE what you say about the swinging of the pendulum. Everything you said was beautiful and feels so right. How did you gain such wisdom?

Every day I am so amazed that a Heavenletter comes. I know so little, and yet they come. I am so grateful.

Thank you for loving Heavenletters, and for being such a dear translator of Heavenletters into Dutch.

God bless you.

With love,

Gloria

Reply from Jeanne on July 30, 2007

I am amazed how serene things are at this blog, I feel my particular earthly existence to be particularly difficult, I shall read and emulate positive responses…. I wrote a particularly whiny letter to God today, tomorrow will be better.. I can only assume

Love to all you positive people who are helping by being positive. I am hopeful that my life can turn around… this does not make me love God les but adds some urgency to my love. as He well understands

I would be wonderful to see this world from a different shore

Love Jeanne

Reply from Jean Maurie on August 8, 2007

Oh Gloria, can I move in with you and we can just do what we please forever? Sounds like bliss but how do ya get rid of the “guilt� that you’re supossed to be doing this or that?

I have a little story to tell you. When I was little I used to sing and sing. Then the choir teacher told my aunt to tell me to sing quieter because I couldn’t carry a tune. She told me bluntly and that hurt so bad. I never sang again. But I wanted to and thought what’s the use, I can’t sing so why bother?

A couple of years ago we started to go to a restaurant that had karaoke. At first I sat in the corner and just listened and watched. My heart ached to sing but of course I couldn’t carry a tune so why would I dare try?

Another year passed, we bought a karaoke machine, some karaoke disks and I was heartbroken to realize that karaoke CD’s don’t have a melody to them, that you have to sing the melody. Ugh, no more karaoke for me, I thought. But something kept pulling me back. I would try to sing and it sounded horrible. But my hubby started singing and I was jealous.

Another year passed and I said Angels, I really want to sing, would you send me a singing teacher? Well by golly a young fella sat down next to me at karaoke a week later handing out his flyers that he taught singing. I hired him!

At 71 I started singing lessons and although i am still nervous when I get up in front of the group I sing anyhow. Yes, I now have 5 songs I know well enough to sing in front of my new karaoke family and they are happy for me that i discovered my voice.

So I’m on my way to doing what I like to do and I am so grateful to my angels for bringing Richard into my life and help me find my voice again. He is my singing teacher who God and my angels brought to me.

Love you Gloria, from one rebellious finally singing gal to you ^I^ hugs to all of us who want to fly or sing, or travel, or move!!! Jean Maurie

Reply from Mimi on September 13, 2007

Hi Dear Gloria:

I regularly read the Heavenletters, but until recently haven’t read any of the blog postings. Thank you for so much inspiration.

I’m just thrilled for you in your moving to Argentina. Being in ‘foreign’ countries has opened me to being in the moment so effortlessly. And what a joy that is!

When my husband left the body, I knew I would no longer use any force on myself, because the first consequence was always resistance. And mostly I was concerned with being rather than doing, as his passing opened me to even deeper questioning of Life. I knew I wanted to love myself into doing anything, and that doing would come from being (hopefully).

Well, it’s been eight years, and even though there are some things still undone, I find great joy in knowing that Love is most important. My question back then was “How can I be a loving presence?” I have lived with it, worked with it, cried over the lack of feeling it, felt it, shared it. Most of all I have experienced Love more deeply, more often. Love has revealed Itself in endless ways, especially in experiencing Beauty. Love continues teaching me about life. And with Love there is no forcing, as It’s infinitely free.

I like to see the process as Love untangling and unwinding what we feel we have gotten ourselves caught in and has captured our attention and kept our awareness blind to the truth of our Being, that is One with God/Love. The habits of thought, feeling, and behavior that have kept me from feeling Love have gradually been brought to my awareness to be released. And it’s been amazing to see what some of these are and how they’ve affected me throughout my life. What’s more amazing is to be moved by, in, and through Love to do.

So here’s to your evolving Freedom/Love. Enjoy it.

Love,

Mimi

Reply from Gloria on September 14, 2007

“How can I be a loving presence?”

That is so beautiful, Mimi.

I think everyone who has ever lost a husband — well, everyone who hasn’t as well — would be blessed to read your posting.

Mimi, I hope you will tell us more.

And have you been to the Heavenletter Spiritual Community Forum? To get there, go to www.heavenletters.org. Then press Community up top and/or Heavenletter Forums on the right margin.

God bless you.

With love,

Gloria

Reply from mehdi on October 1, 2007

Hello.
Everybody is perfect, but we are not perfect for other.
Every one of us is a huge world, but the power’s system doesn’t like it, it needs many people with same personality, no many personalities in the people. They make my style life, thinking cap, dreams, fears and pleasures, goals …and it’s hard for everyone want being himself in that conditions ,maybe social rules don’t accept very different in human matters for continues social’s motor forward!
And at the end, I think maybe, Freedom is a painting in our mind and it’s not free from man, how it can exists in world really?

Excuse me for any false in my written, I don’t know write in English well.

mehdi-IRAN-esfahan

Reply from Gloria on October 1, 2007

Beloved Mehdi, you have expressed some very deep thoughts in English. Please know how well you have written in English. And you are to be commended for doing so.

Yes, it is true what the relative world is like. It doesn’t always help move society’s motor forward, as you say so magnificently.

I love your image of freedom as a painting in our mind.
At the same time, it has to be that lack of freedom is also a painting in our mind! Mehdi, God has said we can be free regardless of circumstances, even in a prison. This hard for us to see from our point of view, of course, yet look at some of the great people who have been imprisoned. Mandela comes to my mind. Ghandi. /p>

I could not find you on the Heavenletter mailing list. I would like to ask you to subscribe and to read Heavenletters. Little by little, God uplifts us, and we begin to view life in a different way. Reading Heavenletters has made a big difference in many lives.

If you would like to subscribe, you can do it here:

http://www.heavenletters.org/maillist/index.php

Or press Reply on this posting of mine and say you would like to subscribe, and I will be happy to do it for you.

Heavenletters have had two subscribers from Iran. We certainly would love to have many many more.

Mehdi, how did you find this Godwriting blog?

Thank you so much for posting.

God bless you.

With love,

Gloria

Reply from Lynn on October 7, 2007

Hey Gloria…I’m from New England too…where in New England are you from? Mehdi….please know that there are many who have come into this world at this time in history to “hold the light” for all. The light is growing stronger everyday and will someday “be” the only thing that exists on the planet…in all of it’s splendid forms. “You” are the light Mehdi and that’s all that you really need to know. Please find comfort and strength in this. You have friends all over this world…you just don’t know our names and faces…but we are here…I promise. Have faith my friend. Love to all. Lynn

Reply from Gloria on October 9, 2007

Lynn, I grew up in Massachusetts. Lived there the first twenty-four years or so of my life.

You gave a precious response to Mehdi — to all of us.

God bless you.

With love, Gloria

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