The Saga of Decluttering Continues
As you know, I have decluttered my house considerably. Truckloads are gone. All my bedroom furniture is gone except for the bed and a night stand. Chopping block, tables, chairs are gone. File cabinets are gone. Two thirds of my accumulated clothes are gone. Two thirds of kitchen stuff – gone, and still more to go. Very little furniture remains. A bed, a desk, a couch, two chairs. But there is something in me that can’t seem to finish the decluttering process. What is it?!! What is it!!!!! Why don’t I finish it once and for all?
I still have an enormous amount of little stuff in cartons and piles and kitchen drawers that I have to sort through. Maybe I don’t have to sort. Maybe I just have to toss. Meanwhile, I step over or around all these things and am sure I don’t want them there any more, and yet I continue to allow them to stay.
Just what eraser or glue stick that I haven’t used in ten years do I think I can’t live without? What piece of paper do I think I’m going to find that makes sorting through thousands of printed sheets of paper worthwhile?
This debris exists in just about every room, and every day I tell myself I will get going on this, and every day I don’t.
Meanwhile, I step around the boxes and piles, grumble at them, and ask myself why on Earth I don’t get on with it and be done with all of this stuff once and for all.
This hanging on to what is unnecessary carries over to the computer as well.
I accumulate thousands of emails. Many I definitely want to keep. But many really don’t matter. Regardless, I seem to think I’m losing something by deleting them. Meanwhile, they clog my computer. I do delete, yet I don’t keep up with it.
The truth is that when I do delete, when I do get things out of the house, I feel wonderful.
I have made enormous progress, and yet something in me resists finishing it.
If I can let go of resentments, why oh why can’t I be done with physical things? What is this neurotic need to hold onto things when they are only things? What is it that I am holding on to? Is it the past? but what from the past do I think I need to keep? Nothing, and yet I keep stuff, and I keep it where it is in my way. None of this makes any sense.
It wouldn’t take an hour to finish my bedroom.
Okay, I’m going to stop what I’m doing now and go right upstairs and do something with the little piles hanging out there. I vow not to write another word until I do. Not another word from me until I’m done with my bedroom. Not one word…
Godwriting is a blog by Gloria Wendroff and is about Gloria's daily life as the Godwriter of the Heavenletters project that is having a profound effect on the lives of people around the world.
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