The Anniversary of My Father’s Death

I’m not usually a person who remembers dates. Yet I remember the day of my father’s death the same as I remember the Ides of March and the 4th of July. All year my tears are hidden from me, and then this day looms.

Certainly God in Heavenletters™ tells us to let go of the past. I’m not so good at it. How much better you are at it than I am.

When I typed the words my father’s death, my fingers started typing birth instead of death, and I know, I know, that is clearly more like it.

There is a poem I used to read with my classes. It is called Spring and Fall. Gerard Manley Hopkins wrote it in 1880.

Margaret, are you grieving
Over Goldengrove unleaving?
Leaves, like the things of man, you
With your fresh thoughts care for, can you?
Ah! as the heart grows older
It will come to such sights colder
By and by, nor spare a sigh
Though worlds of wanwood leafmeal lie;
And yet you will weep and know why.
Now no matter, child, the name:
Sorrow’s springs are the same.
Nor mouth had, no nor mind, expressed
What heart heard of, ghost guessed:
It is the blight man was born for,
It is Margaret you mourn for.

I believe that – it is ourselves we mourn for.

I also mourn for the time when there is no one to miss my father.

Posted by Gloria on February 5th, 2009 under these topics
poetry, Heaven Letters, Godwriting Journal

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8 Replies

Reply from Karen on February 5, 2009

Oh Gloria,
I’m not good at remembering names and dates anymore, so maybe it’s a small grace not to be able to recall the date of my mother’s passing. But I believe as you do - “It is ourselves we mourn for.” Yet when I find myself thinking of her and feeling the loss of her, I usually speak out loud to her, as if she was physically present. Talking aloud to her helps me get past that grievous feeling of loss. I also wrote a poem about her death, which released much of that grief. Sharing your feelings here with us about your father’s death is such a courageous and charitable expression. Thank you for your blessings.
Love, Light and Aloha!
Karen
PS: My mother’s name was/is Margaret

Reply from Pam (fortheloveofGodde) on February 5, 2009

As we grow older, our years become punctuated by these reminders. Disconnecting from the past is one thing, from our emotions surrounding these reminders is another. My thoughts are with you today … and with Karen as well.

Reply from Charles Fines on February 5, 2009

And by the time no one is left here who can remember your father first hand, you will be able to hang out with him whenever you feel like it. Each passing day brings that closer. Here’s a big hug, being careful of the shoulder. Perhaps Xena has a kiss or two, you never know.

Reply from Emilia on February 5, 2009

Oh Charles, I feel the same. I dream of that day, in this lifetime, when I will meet again my most beloved grandmother who died in february one year ago. I will fly with her in time and space and we will land on her beautiful home where I once was born and spent my childhood. And there we will play again to grandmother and grandchild. I long for that moment and this dream help me to live without her. It will come…it will come.
Life is a dream in a dream…in a dream…in a dream…
Emilia

Reply from buddhaofhollywood on February 6, 2009

Hi there!
I was browsing the blogosphere looking for people with similar interests that want to be friends - in a blogging kind of way, so I stopped to say hi!
Wishing you happy bloging and the best in your life.
BoH

Reply from Gloria on February 6, 2009

Nice to see you here, Buddhaofhollywood. Come back often!

Reply from Jack van Raders on February 6, 2009

My Father died 60 years ago. Do I remember? Only when I think of it and as it is not a pleasant thought, I get out of it and talk to him and that gives me a buzz. Something he did frequently when he was still with us. A Man with the highest princeples I have ever met. We talk often and even so I make mistakes he still smiles at me. It is nice being able to comunicate with loved ones on an other plane. Please try it sometimes and you will know, they are still there and looking after you. Love Jack

Reply from One on February 7, 2009

Hey I say we start a funeral company called Happy Departures. Happy Departures dispatches their team to mourning families where they redefine the concept of death and departure. The Happy Departures team will sing kirtan (kirtan is any form of devotional group singing), encourage group activities and make that departure into a celebration. They arrange chocolate milkshakes by the jugful, kefir smoothies and pizza.

Mourning is ok. It’s natural. Nobody said it has to be boring.

I pray letting go of the past is as easy as I believe it to be too. I know the prayer and the belief is the process. It does get easier.

Yes we do mourn for ourselves.

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