One of the things I keep learning again and again

I keep learning again and again — because I keep forgetting — and what I keep learning is to let sleeping dogs lie.

Heaven Admin keeps reminding me: “Whatever someone says, you don’t have to respond. Drop it. You don’t have to defend. Don’t answer. Do not answer. Keep silent. The more you respond, the more you keep going that which you did not want in the first place. You add coals to the fire. No matter what someone says, you do not — do not — do not — have to respond. Say nothing.”

Of course, that’s what I used to tell my junior high students. I would break up a scuffle, and one of the boys would say, “But he called me a —-.” As if the kid had no choice but to defend his honor no matter what. In junior high, the defend gene is so strong that words easily come to shoving and punching.

And I would say, “Don’t answer him. You don’t have to answer him!” I would say, “It takes courage not to answer. Walk away, ” I would say.

I think what I am learning — trying to learn — is that I don’t have to have the last word. The last word means nothing.

And, of course, often the last word means I’m left with my mouth open, and the person who doesn’t respond to me, in his silence, has the real last word anyway!

Posted by Gloria on August 31st, 2010 under these topics
Personal Development, Education, Godwriting Journal

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3 Replies

Reply from Normand Bourque on September 1, 2010

Yes Gloria, replying, answering back, retorting, arguing is often considered a “cultural pattern or value” while keeping silence is considered a sign of weakness. We now call those who don’t “fight back” LOOSERS, COWARDS. But we make our own choice in deciding if we should feel coward, looser or winner in keeping silence.

Reply from Dianita on September 3, 2010

I understand, but may I play devil’s advocate here? Sometimes as women we don’t speak up and stuff our true thoughts and feelings. We gain weight sometimes from stuffing. Ok, not just women, men too. There may be a better way then trying to get the last word.

I love your words, so don’t stop them, where would we be without Heavenletters. I think it’s the need to defend that might be the problem. I think so often people don’t feel heard. If one does reiterate what you think they’ve said (active listening), we may be either wrong or they’ll choose to qualify it in a better light. The goal is mutual understanding. (Though some wish to be the one in charge, then mutual understanding might easily get swept under the rug.) Defending is appropriate in some situations and not in others. But getting the last word may not be the best way of defending. By the way I never noticed you doing that.

Reply from Gloria on September 3, 2010

You give some wonderful insights.

Mostly I do my last words in writing, beloved Dianita.

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