Dear God, please settle my mind on this question.

My former in-laws. A VERY long history of nastiness, anger, distrust, and lies. Really nice to use those words in regards to your child’s gtrandparents, but it’s the way it has been for a long time.

They blame me for their son’s death.

Anyway, nearly 10 years have gone by and my resolution has been to stay away. No contact, nothing.

For these past 10 years, on every holiday they send my son and my dear mother a card with a long letter enclosed asking for forgiveness, how they wish they could be together…so forth, and how they wish things could be different. Every holiday, birthday, Christmas..the same letter, asking for forgiveness. What this “thing” that needs forgiveness is…I don’t know.

I’ve told my son, who is 27, to do what he wants in regards to them, and I would be ok, well, he has not contacted them.

A few days ago I was at my son’s house and saw a Christmas card from them with the same old letter, “forgive us..we love you, send us a picture”..so forth. This time I felt compassion.

Without telling anyone, I wrote a VERY short note telling them to send me their email address, and I would send recent pictures of my son to them. I closed the note saying, “nothing to forgive, life goes on.”

They did not respond, and I doubt they will.

Am I done here? I feel I have “forgiven” them for all they have done to me and my son for so many years. I really think it’s best for me to stay out of the picture, but I was/am willing to send a picture of their only grandchild, even if he’s not.

I’ve given you some history, but I’m sure you know the rest. It’s rather nasty.

Do I HAVE to have a relationship with people I don’t want to? Can’t I just send them best wishes, and as much love as I can, and let it go? We all have issues that can’t be resolved, so why drag it all back up. They’re in their 70’s and 80’s, nothing will change.

I guess my question is: Did I do what I can? Must I do more? I’ve tried to forgive and have more loving thoughts, but is this enough? I feel my heart has opened by knowing you and I treasure our connection, but some people aren’t “there yet”. Shoving myself in someone’s face to “make it all better” may not work here, and maybe I don’t want to do any more…..So much has happened.

I’m going to say something silly, but will this situation with them make me have a black check mark after my name with you? I’m not sure what else I can do besides sending love to them, at a distance, and hope it sticks! I don’t want to have to do a thousand lifetimes reversing this situation, but I don’t know what to do. I feel I should just stay out of it, but am I right?

What will happen to my spirit when I’ve “failed”? I don’t know what their lives were supposed to be like, but, I don’t want this to come back later as a terrible fault I could have fixed.

Too long of a question? Sorry, but I was thinking as I was writing, and this does bother me, but I just want to send it away..cleanly.

Thank you Lord. Love you!

Nancy

God to Nancy:

Beloved Nancy, worry not about the future, My angel. Worry not at all. This is not a question of fault, Nancy.

No question to Me is too long. I accommodate your whole heart. Pour it out often, dear dear child.

It is not a question of how old this couple is. It is not a question of their response. It is not a question of change in any way but the change in your heart. Your heart is opening. This is about your heart, beloved. This is about your doing what is right to do for you and the universe. It is about your being kind to this man and woman whose hearts are so tightly wound. It is not really about them at all. It is about you.

It is not a question of what they have been, said or done. It is about you, and your love for your son, your love for goodness and mercy, and your love for Me. This old couple’s hard feelings are their business, and their burden. Theirs is not yours. What they say, do, think, feel is up to them, and they are free to continue without love and reconciliation. No matter how short-sighted they are, that is their privilege, and, all the while, it has nothing to do with you, beloved.

But you have to do with you, and you do not have the privilege of tight-heartedness. You have some pinches of conscience, and We want to undo them and the stricture in your beautiful heart. Your heart is not meant for hardening.

You have some expectations of how they should respond to your overture. You asked too much of them, beloveds, that they would send you their email address. They can’t do it. Their barriers are too great.

Print out some pictures of your son. Mail them to this old couple. Perhaps another time your son will mail some. Encourage your son to be giving to them for his sake. And give these two saddened ones a little pleasure in their old age. You do not need their thanks. They do not want to forgive, and they do not want your forgiveness. But you want your forgiveness. No longer can you hold on to hurt.

It is not a big thing to put pictures in an envelope, put a stamp on, and mail the photos. It is, however, a big thing for you to do it for them, but it is for yourself that you do this, and for your son, and for Me.

I do not set you on this course to win their love. I put you on this course to win your own love for you, beloved, and to free you from the past. Wait until you see how good you feel. You will draw a deep sigh. You will be giving up the past and reclaiming your present. You are not having a relationship with them. You are having a relationship with yourself.

No matter how justified-seeming, no matter how inept and cruel they may have been, now you are stepping beyond all that into a bigger vision. You are opening up the world to yourself. You are letting go of a pinch to your own beautiful heart. This has been bothering you, and We don’t want it to bother you any more.

You will send them My love from afar. In so doing, you release yourself from their hold on you. You release yourself from their bitterness.

Picture sending your love to them on a boat that sails away from you. Or like a cloud that drifts. You stay where you are, but you send My blessings to them. As you send My blessings to them, and, yes, your love, they recede, and grow fainter and fainter in the distance. Your love goes out to them, and peace comes in, My beautiful daughter.

Post Script from Nancy

My son’s grandmother DID contact me, and I sent her pictures. I do feel better. I have said my goodbyes to them. I opened the door to my son and whoever else would like to walk through the door.