12-8-07

[Of course, published with permission.]

From Jochen to God:

Dear God,

You will know how difficult it is for me to address you this way. These are words I haven’t used in decades, they were not even in my vocabulary any more. I’d much rather call you “Dear Tree”. Oh, I can relate to that beautiful simile you chose for your Heaven Letter #495 on March 3, 2002, The Engagement of God and Man, having been deeply in love with nature my whole life.

Your Letter of today, #2570 Your Luminescence, December 8, 2007, somehow tells me it is time to write. Over the last days, I have been feeling a growing inspiration to do so; the inspiration seems gone now that I started, but I don’t mind.

There is a kind of mantra going on and on in my head that must be as old as I am, at least I don’t remember its origins. It goes like this: “Nothing is ever going to work out for me. I will always feel as depressed and unhappy as I have always felt and there is no way out, no way out, no way out, not even in death.”

I can see how strange that is. No, it doesn’t make sense at all, not even to me. But it’s loud and clear, and I have been unable to shake it off or grow beyond it so far. I have tried several kinds of therapy, I have been into Zen meditation for many years, then after that I found the Pathwork and worked with it for several years and again with the Seth material, Emmanuel, and finally Abraham. Abraham is where I felt at home for the first time in my life. I found Heaven Letters when doing a search for Emmanuel whose web site seems to have vanished. So here I am. Half-fearing I’m making a fool of myself; half-hoping I have been fooling myself until today.

Confusion is perhaps the worst part of it. I know what joy is, I know what love is. When reading your Heavenletters, I sometimes feel that immensity of love and I KNOW that love is all there is – but with it comes a huge wave of sadness, and then my mantra kicks in and I just KNOW it’s not for me, will never be for me, and nothing and no one is ever going to help or even be able to help, not even God. That is what I mean by confusion.

Dear God, is there something you would suggest I do or not do to let go of this horrible thing I so desperately cling to? Do you know I’m not going to believe you anyway? And do you know I know I’m you? I wish I could say I was crazy in some clinical sense, perhaps that would yield some relief. But I’m not.

I am writing from Germany, English is not the language I grew up in. But I think I expressed myself clearly enough.

And now I don’t know how to end this.
Tell Gloria I really appreciate her work.

And please, see my hands.

Jochen

God to Jochen:

Most beloved Jochen, you can call Me Dear Tree. I am Everywhere and within Everything. I am within you. I will call you Dear Sapling, Dear My Beloved Son, Dear Heart, Beloved Jochen, Loving Jochen, Dream of My Heart, Cascade of Love, Doubting Thomas.

Beloved friend, it is your mind that chews its fingernails. Your heart is true and above all the thoughts in the world. Your heart knows not thoughts. It knows love.

What human nervous system can accept all the love I give? Accepting all My love would turn you inside out. You would have to vacate the premises. You would bow out and find yourself saying:

“Okay, God, it is all yours. Have everything of me. I do not have to exist so long as You do. Yes, God, I will melt into your heart. I will disappear in the love of Your heart, and I will be glad, because, as I disappear, I appear for the first time in all My full-fledged glory.

“Even as I speak these words, my intellect will not allow this. My intellect is supercilious and plays a game of non-surrender. It plays a game of cat and mouse. I toy with you, God. I try to make You my creation instead of facing the fact that I am Yours.

“I do not want to weep. Not even in joy do I want to weep. It is hard for me to give myself up, even to You, the Tree of my branch.

“It is from You that all goodness comes, and yet I am a disheartened seeker. The truth is I will not accept part of you, my most beloved Tree. I want all of You, and I want it right now. To prevent my disappointment, I tear my heart apart. I think things I do not mean. I am like a researcher, when all I need to be is a simple human being in love with My Creator Tree.�

Beloved Jochen, you are a salesman who has come to accept his own spiel. You consider Me too good to be true, or, if true, too good for you. What folly My beloved son gives lip service to.

The fact is, Beloved Jochen, you are caught in My trap. There is no escaping for you. Tell yourself all the stories you want, you are stuck with Me. You are going to be a Great Light. You are, and now you will smile, and now your light is turned on. What do you care, beloved, how things turn out when you are immersed in My light, drowned in My light, saved in My light.

Never mind outcomes in the first place. In the second place, you have turned out very well. You are a High Being but a High Being who would turn away your luminescence as if it were pride, as if it were vanity, when it is the one thing I ask of you, to merely take away all the subterfuge and proclaim yourself the magnificence you are, the noble Son-heart of God.

It is irrelevant what you think, or have thought.

All has already turned out very well for you, for you are in My grasp. You try to wriggle away, but do you think you really can, Joschen? Try as you may, do you think you really can?

Would you really rather be a great debaser of yourself than the Great Light you are? Yes, you have been fooling yourself.

Now that you have addressed Me this way, what is so hard about it? What is hard about following your beautiful heart? It has been hard for you to deny Me within yourself. It has plagued you. I think you have been plagued enough. Now it is time for you to accept the full sunshine of My love for you. Let go of all your restraints. Take a gamble on Me.

I give you a new mantra. “God loves me. God loves everything about me. God would have me think of Him. He is already filling my heart, and now He will fill my mind with thoughts of Him. God is more powerful than anything. He is even more powerful than my past thoughts. My past thoughts are nothing, just some vestige of defeat. Now I dare to hope for what I have always longed for.�

You can shorten this mantra to: “Hello, God.�

I respond to you. I say, “Hello, Jochen. Hello.� I say, “Stick with Me.�

All the knowledge and all the blessing abide within you. Do you really think something outside you is going to give you Me? I give you Me, all of Me. I give you Myself and yourSelf as well.

You have been promoted. You have graduated into My heart. In fact, you can leave all words behind you. Read what gives you joy, but no need to seek that which is already yours. I have been found.

Confusion is not a bad thing. It is a good thing. Be confused. What does that have to do with anything, My beloved son.

Do you think that sadness and I cannot coexist? Do you think you have to be perfectly happy to keep Me always? Day by day that bursting love within you will increase, and yet you will no longer measure your wealth of God according to any past that enters your present days. Not even sadness keeps Me away. Am I God only under certain conditions? Do you set requirements for Me? I set none for you. It so happens I love you, and what more is there to say? I do not love you because of this or that. I love you. Will you love Me the same? Will you dare to just love Me? Let the world do its thing. You and I will do Ours.

With all this being said, I thank you for your honesty and being exactly as you are. You are a great accompaniment to Myself. I like to walk with you, Jochen. Just walk with Me. Make no pledges. Just simply walk with Me. Do it for Me. It doesn’t have to be for you.

A Great Light is going to go on in the world, and it is you.

Jochen in Response to God:

Dear God,

I am very happy to have your letter, very happy indeed. I started to answer but noticed a tendency for my letter to become rather wordy, so I just dropped that. This is not a time for words, obviously.

I will need some time to absorb all the wonderful things you said. Your logic is impeccable, unassailable — in fact, exasperatingly so but also soothingly so, heartbreakingly so.

One thing stands out for me: “What do you care, beloved, how things turn out when you are immersed in My light, drowned in My light, saved in My light. ”

I have always longed to be in that place of no more worry where I don’t care any more how things turn out, I just knew I had to get there. But in all my searching I never found that state of … immersed … drowned … saved — always fearing, and finally concluding, it does not exist for me because there is something fundamentally wrong with me or God or creation.

You say there isn’t. You say I’m there already.

I take your word. Yes, I’ll gamble.

Not daring to believe yet, but hopeful,
hoping that love IS the answer after all.

Jochen