I discover new expressions of ego daily
The other day I was so frustrated with the computer I didn’t know what to do with myself. Is frustration a form of ego? I wonder.
I really used to be bright and pick up things quickly. Well, not geometry. Are computer programs descendants of geometry? No wonder then.
It’s one thing to not catch on to something, but it’s another to suffer for it. Is frustration the same as not getting your way? Is my frustration the same as a toddler’s reaction when he doesn’t get the candy he wanted?
Part of frustration must be humiliation. It is humiliating to find myself unable to do what others can do easily without any frustration. Humiliation and frustration must both be forms of ego.
I think the opposite of frustration would be taking things in my stride. Taking things in my stride would be the same as not letting things get to me. It would be equanimity.
I imagine that frustration is a by-product of the fear of failing. I also imagine that frustration is also a by-product of failing in front of other people, in front of people such as Heaven Admin. So I’m back to hubris.
I realize now that I am experiencing two frustrations. One is the frustration of not being able to do what I set out to do. The other is being frustrated about being frustrated.
I have never liked to hear someone say in one way or another: “That how I am. Nothing I can do about it,” etc.
Nevertheless, I am to the point of saying, “Lavenders can’t do computer programs. Lavenders just can’t. Lavenders belong in a fairy garden and nowhere else.”
God in Heavenletters™ would say to change my thoughts and think of all the things I can do. I can Godwrite™, write a blog, etc. God would say to be grateful for all I have. I am. I am. God would say that even in my frustration, there is something good.
Hmm, maybe I’ve learned my limits.
On the other hand, I am going to conquer these computer heebie-jeebies. No computer program is going to get the best of me. No computer program is going to get the best of me. No computer program is going to get the best of me…
Godwriting is a blog by Gloria Wendroff and is about Gloria's daily life as the Godwriter of the Heavenletters project that is having a profound effect on the lives of people around the world.
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